Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
