I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
