Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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