I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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