I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
