Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
