but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
