how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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