How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
