I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
