i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
