craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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