this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
