So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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