When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
