I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
