No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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