oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
