You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
