O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
