yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
