We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its liver damage thursday
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
