he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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