I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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