There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
