Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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