Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
