Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
