The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
