put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
