come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
