I'm so fucking centered right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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