My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
