dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
