That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They are going to name an STD after you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
