He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
