Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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