I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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