He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
