tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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