There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
