i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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