is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
