I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
