I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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