You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
