She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
