I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
