giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
