Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
