i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
