Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
