so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
