Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
