Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
