sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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