No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jerry, you need to find god
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
