Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
