Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
